📍 📍 Welcome to Healing From Emotional Abuse, the award-winning podcast that sheds light on the journey from victim to survivor. I’m your host Marissa f Cohen, and I’m thrilled to have you join us on this empowering and healing adventure, the Healing from Emotional Abuse podcast. Isn’t just another conversation.

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  📍 📍 All right. Welcome back to The Healing From Emotional Abuse Podcast. I’m your host, Marissa f Cohen, and today we’re joined with Anne Catona Lynn, who is an incredible survivor. She also is a coach, um, an author of a couple books and a consultant. So, uh, consultant, coach, and author. I’m sorry, author and speaker, empowering community leaders.

To build safe, supportive schools through authentic engagement, um, and helps communities unite to prevent problem behaviors, crises, and improve school culture. She’s the author of Shedding Lies, sharing my Journey, sharing her journey, overcoming Childhood Trauma, and she likes to advocate for younger adults with mental health and substance use disorders.

So welcome on. Anne, thank you so much for being here today. Thanks so much for having me. I’m really great. I’m really excited to be here. Oh my gosh. I’m so excited to have you. So tell us a little bit about yourself. I read your bio, um, but I wanna hear it from you. Yeah. Um, so. Um, you know, again, I, I, I do this work and it really came out of my childhood trauma.

So I, um, I had an accident when I was four and, um, I was, um, it was a car accident and I went face first through the windshield and I remember all of those things. And, uh, at the time, they wouldn’t allow families to stay with you in the hospital. And so I was in the hospital by myself and again, remember all of it.

I’m 57 now, so this was 53 years ago and I remember everything and it, they further traumatized us. So it was, I had full blown PTSD. Then when I got home it was 1970, we didn’t talk about stuff. We still, in so many ways, especially kids, we’re like, oh, if they don’t, we don’t see any big issues. Let’s not talk about it.

And, and the mistake was I was really struggling. I just, it wasn’t as outward as much as it, you know, it could have possibly been, but there were a lot of things I was hiding and didn’t know that that’s what I was doing. Again, it was just my coping strategies and so. That really set the stage for the work that I do.

Um, you know, again, childhood trauma, I had full-blown PTSD. I started drinking in my at 14 ’cause it’s socially acceptable and it’s really kind of, you know, we would go out to Bush parties and, you know, get a keg of beer and that’s what we did. It was not a big deal. And so it was kind of like a cool rite of passage.

And, um, so I, but what I, what I realized then was that my PTSD was kind of. Being self-medicated by the drinking. And I was al, I’ve always spent most of my life trying to prove myself and, uh, you know, just trying to kind of put on a good face, like everything is wonderful. None of the, you know, and, and so everything that I learned as a child was kind of what I did.

And so. That really, um, set the stage for just more self-medication. You know, again, a lot of times we think of self-medication as something like alcohol or, you know, drugs or anything, which, yes, it’s true. I also, you know, uh, good things can be self-medication. So for me too, I was so insecure. Uh, I’m the youngest of seven and I really.

I didn’t feel that I, you know, I didn’t have a, my, my family was busy and my parents were both working, so I didn’t get a whole lot of attention. I was kind of passed around and again, didn’t really realize the impact that that had on me. But my self-esteem was really low. Uh, and I got into relationships with guys that weren’t really good for me because.

I was looking for love and you know, like the song, looking for love in all the wrong places. And unfortunately, you know, um, in my early twenties, uh, I just had ex, I had, I had experienced being sexually assaulted by two different guys that I was, that I knew. And one of them I previously dated. So, um, that further added trauma and, um, you know, the first one, like I said, it was a guy that I had dated and so we had sexual relations and, um, this, this happened after we had broken up.

And he came to my apartment on a Saturday night and it was, you know, uh, my, I was sleeping and it, it was, he rang the doorbell and, and I’m like, you know, what do you want? I’m sleeping. And he said, I just really wanna talk to you. And I’m like, okay. ’cause I couldn’t, there’s like an extra layer of security and I couldn’t see that he had someone else with him.

And so, um, if I would, I would’ve not let him in for sure. And. Um, so anyway, let him in. And he pushed in through the door. ’cause you know, when I saw the other person with him, it was his cousin. I didn’t want him to come in just ’cause I was like, what’s going on? What do you, why you’re here. And, um. I just wanted to go to sleep.

So anyway, when they came in, he just, um, forced himself on me. And, uh, I didn’t realize what happened. My body kind of just shut down and really disconnected from my, you know, my brain. My brain disconnected from my body. And um, and then like three days later I was out with some friends and we were at a bar and all of a sudden I had a panic attack and I realized that, I’m like, oh my gosh, I was raped.

So I filed a police report. I didn’t press charges. ’cause again, there’s so much shame and blame that you put on yourself. And that was, um, you know, not only had I already had so much of that being a woman in the seventies and I. You know, kind of again, being the youngest and, um, feeling that I, I, I was sort of, I, I wasn’t expected.

I have six siblings and eight years, and I’m eight years younger than them, so it was like an oops. And, um, you know, so I didn’t, I, I just, uh, really did not feel like I was, um. I felt like I was a pain in the butt all the time, so I always felt like I was a bother. So that’s why I really, I couldn’t imagine, and I, you know, I was also across the country.

I was gonna school in San Francisco. My family’s on the East coast, and I, I just couldn’t even imagine going through a court trial of. Having to press charges and, and, and me being attacked, there was no way that was gonna happen. And so I remember I went to counseling once and I said, oh yeah, I had PTSD as a kid, but I got over it and no.

So, um, you know, and then another situation was a guy who, um, uh, was, I was an athletic trainer and so I was around athletes all the time, and this guy was a football player and there was a party going on and. I had literally just came, walked into the party, didn’t do anything before that went right to the party and he pulled me into a room and raped me, like literally as soon as I got in there.

Uh, and so, you know, so those were some of those early experiences that, uh, really shaped who I was, um, at the time. And so, um, but that, those things though, as I got a little bit older. In my early thirties, I went to a singles retreat and, uh, really kind of was trying to, to, you know, I, I didn’t feel good about myself.

Too many things that it was just like, yeah, something’s gotta shift. And so really had kind of an awakening, awakening and made decisions to change. You know, I became celibate. I decided to stop drinking, just kind of outta curiosity. All of a sudden I started having more panic attacks and I was like, what the heck?

I haven’t had these in, you know, 20 plus years. And uh, for me it was God saying, you’ve tried to do this on your, you’ve tried to heal on your own your entire life. Now it’s time to heal with my help and professional help, which led me then to seven years of really intensive work. I, you know, again, I didn’t even date.

I was like. Really focused on myself and healing, and it was a powerful time that led me to then do the work that I do now. Um, so that’s kind of the, the timeline of my story. What an incredible journey. I mean, truthfully, from starting, um, you know, so young, having this PTSD and these traumatic experiences all the way through your, like twenties.

Mm-hmm. And then now after years of doing self-work. You’re in such a better place. You know, you, you are a coach and a consultant, and an author and a speaker. So kind of, would you mind telling us maybe some, some things that you’ve tried or, um, some, some techniques that therapists have taught you that really helped you kind of move through all of that trauma?

Yeah, and one of the things that I think has always been a coping strategy for me was. I, I love to learn. I, I, I love to learn. So that was actually really helpful because I was helpful and not helpful. I also have A-D-H-D-I was kind of all over the place looking for things and. Though, um, you know, again, I was already a good athlete and so I was, you know, during this time I did a marathon.

I did a triathlon. I had already been doing a lot of things like that, but, um, I was in the best shape of my life. I was a vegetarian, you know, I really looked at everything holistically. At the same time, this all was going on, I was also diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases. So it’s like, okay, let’s add more.

And, and I was like, what? And I realized that I, uh, the more I researched, I found out about adverse childhood experiences that can predispose you to. Things such as autoimmune diseases. And so with that awareness, that was kind of the first thing that making the connection, the mind body connection and understanding how childhood trauma doesn’t just go away if we don’t deal with it.

And that it can impact not just your mental and emotional, but your physical health. So that connection was huge and uh, it really, honestly, I think it was kind of pretty life changing for me. Having that awareness, like, oh, it’s not what’s wrong with me. ’cause I always felt like something was wrong with me.

It was the shift to it’s what happened to me. And so that shift was huge, you know, and just kind of reframing, um, you know, the lies that I had told myself. My entire life and reframing them to really see the actual truth of what was going on. That was a really big shift as well. You know, just so kind of a growth mindset, shifting from a, a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

And I, I share in my book, um, the shedding lies, living Beyond Childhood Trauma. At the end of each chapter, I have, um, I forgive myself for buying into the lie, whatever the lie was for that chapter, you know, that I’m not worthy. Uh, and the truth is, you know, again, I would say specifically my family loved me.

They did care about me. I was wanted, you know, so the, the lies that I was not worthy were not true. So using that kind of helped me to. Shift my, again, my mindset, so I continue to use that. It’s like, okay, there was this, something happened and how can I shift? It’s not ignoring it. That’s kind of the key is that we can’t ignore it and act like it didn’t happen.

Mm-hmm. ’cause it’ll come out and fester. I think of it like a wound and that unless we kinda really clean it out and debride it, it can’t really heal and it’ll come out in ways we don’t want it to. Yeah. So, um, those were kind of some of the things and, and one specific therapy that helped me the most was EMDR.

So eye movement, um, eye movement, desensitization reprocessing, and it is. Phenomenal. I think Prince, I know Prince Harry had used it, um, for his own trauma and he, I know he had even done a little video modeling what it was. And um, you know, I highly recommend for people to go to a therapist, a certified therapist, to do it.

Uh, ’cause that was all the difference for me and. It took situations that I remembered as a kid that were painful still to this day and shifted them like the hospital room. It was just this white stark bars on the walls. We were in these cribs, you know, it was, it was just a terrible experience and it shifted that to me, opening up the window and flying out.

Of the room and over the ocean where there was riding in the sand, like right along the beach, and the water came up and washed. The, um, the riding away and it was kind of like, this is cleansing of that pain from me. And it was like, oh my gosh, it was such an amazing, you know, what a shift. So now it’s like, oh.

Immediately when I think of that room, I have a completely different experience. Now it brings me joy because I’m like, that, that’s the truth, is me flying out the window, you know, again, in, in a, in not falling, flying. So, yeah, so those, those are some of the things that I think, you know, being physically active, um, you know, paying attention to my diet, um, me being mindful.

Not just meditation. My meditation is a form of mindfulness. But you know, learning, just being aware of our breath, like what’s going on with my body right now? You know, paying attention to ourselves. You know, that those are kind of some of the things that when you’ve been through trauma, you often don’t think of taking care of yourself, and you have to really look at.

What’s going on with me? What’s going on with my body? You know, what’s causing it? And, and give yourself some grace, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Those are kind of some of the big things. I appreciate you sharing all of that, because you’re right. Holistic, healing, like healing your mind, your body, your spirit, everything is so important.

You can’t just do one. Right. If you go running, that’s great, but if you’re not processing anything, you know, or you’re like letting your mind, you know. Not really run with you, you’re not really doing any of the healing stuff. You know what I mean? So let’s talk about more about what you do. Yeah, yeah. You have to process it and, yeah.

Yeah. So I work in schools and I’m kind of a, I’m a, I’m a, I love, um, breaking silos and connecting the dots. I’m like a big picture, but I also like to get in on the ground. So I was a state project director for Safe Schools, healthy students. Which came outta the Sandy Hook and the Columbine shooting. So I’m a special ed teacher and a board certified behavior analyst by training and an educational psychologist.

And now I’ve, I’ve taken all of my experiences, many years of this and my own personal experiences helping, it’s around trauma sensitive, but I, I always say it’s bigger than that. It’s, it’s building resilient schools and communities and that. We wanna make it safer, more supportive, where the staff, the students and families feel that their voices are heard.

Um, and putting, connecting that to things that are actually going on in the building. So it’s how do we take those, the vision of what we wanna see in. Community to actually making it happen on the ground. So I, I work, I work directly with schools and districts because it’s easier to get in there and really work with people and coach and school district leaders so that they.

Can do this work because they’re all overwhelmed. There’s so many things, you know, between school safety and mental health and all these crises and COVID every, everybody’s been really stressed and so sometimes we have to. Step back and really look at things differently and think outside of the box. I’m kind of an out of the box thinker, so I try to help them and make it work for them, not just a cookie cutter that’s, yes, these are the best practices and this is what I know, uh, is gonna work, and let’s make sure it fits what you need.

You know, so, so that’s kind of what I do and I engage. You know, all the school staff, I engage youth especially. I really work with the students. Their families and community partners. ’cause a lot of times community partners wanna come in and help out, but they keep on hitting roadblocks going to schools.

So I help them to be able to identify, okay, what is it that you do and how can you help the schools and connect it to what the schools are already doing because you know. You can have the best things in the world, but if you’re just throwing them at schools, they’re gonna be like, I, I can’t take one more thing.

And so sometimes we have to get rid of things. We have to help them work smarter, not harder. Um, so I engage all of those people, uh, to kind of come together and really create these safer environments for everyone. That’s awesome. So where can people find your books? So you have shedding lies, and then you have another book as well.

Shedding lies Living Beyond Trauma is on Amazon and the, uh, Kindle version is on sale right now for 99 cents. And uh, then the other book is Depression Lied to Me, and that’s an anthology. There are other amazing women that are in this book. Uh, that, and it’s, uh, the, the curator, the, the, um, it’s a doctor. He is an anesthesiologist in New Zealand, Dr.

Stefan Neff, NEFF. He was the main person in the book, and all of us were, we all wrote a chapter in it. Um, so those are the two books that I have. And I have another one, uh, that will be coming out and that I’m working on, and it is specifically around abuse. Uh, and I definitely get into the sexual abuse.

Throughout my life in greater depth with that, that one, with that chapter. And then my husband are also gonna be writing a book. Um, my husband fell 30 feet off of a roof in 2019 and survived. And so many things, so many miracle. Uh, he’s, it’s amazing the things that happen, um, you know, good and bad. And so.

It’s, um, grease. Yeah. Grief, grace, and Gravity, um, is the name of the book. He loves alliteration and so we’re gonna write a book together about that experience, so that’s awesome. Um, and then people can find me on my website as well. Um, katon lynn consulting.com. Okay. Awesome. I’ll put that link in the description as well.

Great. Um, so what is like a final piece of advice that you have for survivors? Hmm, number one, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, that you have to figure out what works for you and you put it into your schedule. ’cause otherwise you are gonna forget it. So even if it’s just like three minutes of deep breathing and do that throughout your day.

So it’s little tidbits and bites. Figure out what is gonna work for you. Um, you know, it could be even just giving yourself a hug, like something like that. Um, you know, doing kind of grounding exercises where you’re focused on feeling your fingers as you’re in a meeting, you know, something like that so that you can help learn how to calm your nervous system because if you could do that, then no matter what comes at you, you’re gonna be a lot more successful if you’re able to have little strategies in your toolkit for yourself.

So. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Anne, for being here. I really appreciate you sharing your story and your wisdom with us, and I’m sorry for everything that you went through, but it seems like it brought you to a really good place. So yes, thanks so much for having me, Marissa. Yeah, anytime. Thanks.