Can you heal from abuse? What do I do after leaving my narcissist? What does a healthy relationship look like? These concerns cross the minds of over 20 people every minute; over 28,800 people every day. And the sad fact is, we still don’t talk about it enough. Healing from Emotional Abuse isn’t a bandaid situation. But it doesn’t have to be a five year process either. Millions of other survivors around the worlds entire lives have been impacted by their narcissist. Yours doesn’t have to. To show you how to live a free, confident and peaceful life, your host and Founder of the Healing From Emotional Abuse Philosophy, Marissa F. Cohen.
Overcoming narcissism and healing from emotional abuse are so important to your mental health and to living a life of freedom, confidence and peace. Today, I want to talk about relationship goals. We all picture have a picture of our perfect relationship and our perfect partner. What we want out of a healthy relationship varies based on our specific wants and needs. Figuring out what you want, and the type of partner you want is a good way to help yourself find that person.
The qualities and characteristics of your dream partner that you focus on are the ones that come to you. We as survivors get wrapped up in the negatives that we’ve experienced and focus on those. We concentrate on the red flags we’ve experienced, the toxic traits they exhibited, and how horrible it was on their bad days. And as we continue to focus on those, we are revictimizing ourselves and attracting people that were just like them.
What were some toxic people traits that your abuser exhibited? Were they aggressive? Manipulative? Unkind to animals? Loud? Think about and identify as many as you can, because this is the last time you’re going to focus on these.
That cycle needs to stop. You deserve a healthy relationship with a partner that respects your boundaries, shows you kindness all the time, and makes you feel happy and confident. Someone who doesn’t try and break you down and control you. Love isn’t control. Love isn’t disrespect. Love isn’t explosive bursts and fighting. Love is respect. Love is kindness. Love is understanding. Love is healthy communication.
What is your definition of love? What characteristics do you want in your partner? Don’t focus on what you don’t want. Focus on what you do want.
I want to do an activity with you. I want you to take out a piece of paper or the notepad on your phone. And I want you to sit and really think about the qualities of a partner that you’re looking for. Are they funny? Do they make you smile? Do they bring home flowers or your favorite candy for you? Are they open to respectfully talking with you or debating?
Think 10 years into the future. What do you have in your healthy relationship? Do you have open communication? Do you have silly dance parties? Do you have movie nights?
For me, I need someone with opinions, someone with a sense of humor who can match my enthusiasm for comedy movies. Someone who is outgoing and kind. Someone who is low-maintenance, because a hyper person is too much for me romantically. Who loves animals, because my dogs are my babies. Someone who is communicative and understanding. Someone who is aspirational. And someone who is grounded, to help me keep my feet on the ground.
What are yours? Make your list. And really think about these qualities. After you’ve made your list, focus on those qualities. Focus on finding someone who fits your description. Where focus goes, energy flows. And if you stay positive and focus on the positive attributes of a healthy partner and a healthy relationship, the toxic people will stop being attractive to you, and you’ll stop picking toxic partners and unhealthy relationships. You’ll find your relationship goals and live happily, free and confident.
Hey! If you enjoyed this podcast, you have to check out www.MarissaFayeCohen.com/Private-Coaching. Marissa would love to develop a made-for-you healing plan to heal from emotional abuse. She does all the work, and you just show up. Stop feeling stuck, alone, and hurt, and live a free, confident, and peaceful life. Don’t forget to subscribe to the Healing From Emotional Abuse podcast, and follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/marissafcohen, and instagram @Marissa.Faye.Cohen. We’d love to see you there!