Can you heal from abuse? What do I do after leaving my narcissist? What does a healthy relationship look like? These concerns cross the minds of over 20 people every minute; over 28,800 people every day. And the sad fact is, we still don’t talk about it enough. Healing from Emotional Abuse isn’t a bandaid situation. But it doesn’t have to be a five year process either. Millions of other survivors around the worlds entires lives have been impacted by their narcissist. Yours doesn’t have to. To show you how to live a free, confident and peaceful life, your host and Founder of the Healing From Emotional Abuse Philosophy, Marissa F. Cohen.
This time, right now while we’re stuck in our homes, is a great time to click the reset button. Think about it, our responsibilities lie with leaving other people alone to take care of themselves while we care for ourselves and our families. If there was ever a perfect time to take a step back and be introspective into our lives, now is that time. Right now, I want you to make a list of all the people in your life that make you feel extremely happy, inspired, joyous, comfortable, etc. Everyone who elicits a feeling of positivity. Think about it. Come up with a list of 25 people. People who inspire you to do better, be better. People who make you feel moved. People whose company you’re craving right now because you miss their laugh or laughing with them. I’m not trying to make you miss anyone or feel sad, there is a point to this, I promise.
Now, on a different piece of paper, make another list. Make a list of the people that are in your life that elicit a negative feeling. It can be anyone. A family member that is always on your case, or saying things that always make you feel bad. An ex or a friend. People that make you feel stressed or anxious. Put people on that list that are in your friend group, or in your life, but make you feel bad or put you down. Anyone who says or does things that make you feel insecure, inferior, stupid or uncomfortable.
Now, take a look at the good list and the bad list. The good list are the people you should surround yourself with after this is all over. We are all quarantined right now, and I’m sure you’ve felt, as everyone has, that feeling of isolation and loneliness. This is the worst part of being social creatures. We crave social interaction, love and connection. So, from now on, moving forward, let’s work to not take our treasured time and energy for granted. The time we share with others should be reserved for those that make us feel good. Who lift us up and are worth our time. Healthy relationships and good friendships. Not the toxic people and toxic relationships that bring us down due to their own insecurities.
SO, see the value in yourself and your time. The people on your toxic friend list, it’s time to cut them out. And now is the best time because you don’t have to face them for at least another month. When all of this is over, spend your time with positive friendships and people who show you love and kindness. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Choose the people who bring your average and your happiness up.
Next task. I want you to walk around your home (I made a Facebook Live about this last week… see below)
Walk around your home and write down all of the unfinished projects, small and large tasks, anything that you’ve been putting off. Like reorganizing and cleaning out your cabinets or closets. Hanging pictures, cleaning out your fridge, reorganizing your room, reorganizing your shelves, anything. Call this your tolerations list. Your list of the things in your home and in your life that you tolerate.
After you’ve made your list, write down a deadline of when you will finish or fix each project or item. They can be once per week, but who are you kidding there’s not much else to be doing. And you can do this with items as well. Anything in your home that you’ve been meaning to get rid of, but haven’t gotten around to it yet, toss it. Get negative energy out of your home. Like Marie Kondo said, if it doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it. Release the negative energy and toxicity from your environment. Any pictures or items that you feel obligated to hold on to, put it somewhere where it won’t bother you.
How to get negative energy out of your house. Get negative energy out of your house.
Make your house nice, clean, and healthy. This is how to create positive energy at home, and how to create good energy in your home.
Print out and decorate quotes and phrases that make you feel empowered and fill your space with them. And also, look for fun pictures you love of places that you went, and good people that you’re with, that elicit a feeling of joy. Print them out and hang them around your house, or around your space. I used to have five hand drawn posters next to my mirror in my bedroom, and every day when I woke up and got ready for work, I would see these quotes and it would fill my heart and spirit. It made me feel happy and empowered, and it’ll work for you too.
Find quotes, phrases and words that speak to you. I have friends that post verses from the bible, because that’s what empowers them. Me, I really love Dr. Seuss.
Whats’s your quote? What’s that one quote that when you hear it, it makes you feel strong and empowered? It gives you life.
Although it can be extremely difficult to let go of our history and of the people, to our dismay or not, have been around and created relationships with, sometimes it has to be done. And the same thing goes with items. I wouldn’t consider myself materialistic or a hoarder but I keep a lot of sentimental things. I keep shoeboxes filled with items from my past healthy relationships. A full storage bin filled with photographs, cards, event tickets and memories. But these are all things that bring me immense joy.
At one point, I was also keeping things that brought bad bad memories that I didn’t love. But I kept them because I was afraid to get rid of them. That if I threw them out, I’d forget the memories.
But I learned something since then, that those things carried negative energy and toxicity and I didn’t want to pollute my space with them anymore. What are some things you’re holding on to, whether it be a physical item, a memory or a person, that don’t make you feel good? That weigh you down. That now, thinking forward, getting rid of it will release toxicity and release negative energy. Think of one thing and commit to getting rid of it today. Find it and throw it out right now.
I got into Young Living because I need to change my life. I wanted more positivity, and Young Living gave me the resources to expedite my bad days into good days. I have anxiety and depression, and when those two things act up, my whole body is down, sometimes for days, weeks or months. This past weekend was an awful weekend for me. I consumed way too much junk food, I cried for a lot of the weekend, and I social-isolated from everyone. Even the people that I love and the person that I live with. Sometimes, I just can’t help it but instead of that being weeks or months, which in the past it has been, it was one day and a half. And that isn’t all due to Young Living, but to the resilience I’ve built up over the last 11 years. The positive self-talk I’ve learned and the principles that I live by.
You have to find and master the things that work for you. For me, it’s essential oils and flower essences. My mom is a flower essence practitioner, and so I usually go to her when I’m having a bad time. And my guilty pleasure is Nicholas Sparks movies. I know. It’s pretty basic. But it’s also looking myself in the mirror and changing my self talk. It’s telling myself that I can succeed and I will succeed instead of beating myself up, to which I did a ton of this weekend.
What’s one thing that works for you on your bad days? Like I said, for me, I watch Nicholas Sparks movies and cover myself in essential oils. And that helps me get out of my funk. That helps me relieve my bad day, and it helps me heal. If you haven’t tried Young Living Essential Oils, I totally recommend them.
Reach out to me and I will happily give you all the information that I have. And if you decide to try it, I’ll pay for your shipping. I believe in them that much.
These principles are the foundations for the content I built. This isn’t a sales pitch and I’m not in it for your money. What I want is your trust. I want you to trust me when I say every program I create for survivors of abuse, survivors of narcissism, or people who need a confidence boost or some additional positivity in their lives, is truly deeply with that in mind. These are the systems and actions I take when I’m in my worst headspace to revitalize myself and get myself back on my feet. I want to help everyone feel as strong as I do on my strongest days because I know what it’s like to feel broken and surrounded by negativity and surrounded by toxicity. It’s hard. It’s so hard to pull yourself out of that. But having the tools ready, it’s like knowing emotional karate. You don’t want to have to use it, but sometimes you need to just to be prepared.
Thank you for listening, and I really hope these principles, ideas and activities will help you change your headspace, change your environment and change your life. What I want is for everybody to change their life into the most positive it can be. And that starts with your environment and your social circle. Once you master those, everything else is a cakewalk. Thank you again for joining me to day. I’m so excited to work with everyone and talk to everyone about what quotes they’ve decorated their space with and the kind of people that inspire them. And the people they are going to spend their time with now when quarantine is over.
Hey! If you enjoyed this podcast, you have to check out www.MarissaFayeCohen.com/Private-Coaching. Marissa would love to develop a made-for-you healing plan to heal from emotional abuse. She does all the work, and you just show up. Stop feeling stuck, alone, and hurt, and live a free, confident, and peaceful life. Don’t forget to subscribe to the Healing From Emotional Abuse podcast, and follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/marissafcohen, and instagram @Marissa.Faye.Cohen. We’d love to see you there!