Can you heal from abuse? What do I do after leaving my narcissist? What does a healthy relationship look like? These concerns cross the minds of over 20 people every minute; over 28,800 people every day. And the sad fact is, we still don’t talk about it enough. Healing from Emotional Abuse isn’t a bandaid situation. But it doesn’t have to be a five year process either. Millions of other survivors around the worlds entire lives have been impacted by their narcissist. Yours doesn’t have to. To show you how to live a free, confident and peaceful life, your host and Founder of the Healing From Emotional Abuse Philosophy, Marissa F. Cohen.
Overcoming narcissism and healing from emotional abuse are so important to your mental health and to living a life of freedom, confidence and peace. Today, I want to highlight Signs of a Toxic Relationship. It is important to be able to recognize red flags, so that we can safely avoid toxic people.
There are 11 signs of a toxic relationship. Learn how to recognize them so you are prepared and know how to avoid toxic people.
1. Narcissistic Deflection
What does deflection mean? It’s diverting a conversation, topic or blame to someone else, usually the survivor. It is playing mind games with the survivor to make them feel crazy or that they are to blame for the outcome of the narcissists behavior.
2. Are Narcissists Loyal?
The short answer is no. That doesn’t guarantee that your partner is cheating on you, but loyalty is also keeping promises and appointments. Narcissists and toxic partners are notorious for leaving survivors waiting around for them, and lying. This alone makes them unreliable and undependable. If your partner is lying to you, or dodging plans, or making you wait for them with no response or courtesy call, they aren’t being loyal, or dependable.
3. My Partner Doesn’t Respect My Boundaries
Narcissists and toxic people don’t like being told no. I mean, nobody does, but narcs especially aren’t fond of boundaries, because it limits their control. So, in order to maintain control they will continue to disrespect and push your boundaries, and most often, blame it on you for not being clear; or apologize, but then continue to push the boundary until you give in.
Some relationships can drain you, especially when the toxic person is in constant, nonstop contact, has impossible expectations or is in constant fear of gossip about them. It’s unproductive and exhausting to have to entertain these conversations. Communication and respect are two huge and important characteristics of a healthy relationship. If your partner isn’t respecting you, your wishes or your body, that’s a huge sign of a toxic relationship.
4. Are Narcissists Spiteful?
If your partner uses words and actions as a means of revenge, they are the definition of a toxic person. Narcissists tend to be very jealous, and also very spiteful. They detest when other people have what they want, and that can translate to economic or career goals, material objects, people and attention. They will often seek revenge against someone when they feel threatened, by either verbally, emotionally or physically attacking the survivor. A healthy partnership should be building each other up, encouraging and motivating each other to be and do their best. And if that is not the case, then your partner is a narcissist.
5. Healthy Give and Take Relationships
A major sign of a toxic relationship is when you have a partner who asks for help and advice but never has the time to support you. They want your attention, your help, your money, your time, but don’t reciprocate the sentiment when you need it. The relationship revolves around them and their needs, always.
6. How To Know If Your Relationship Is Healthy
In a healthy relationship, your partner will support you and not take advantage of the information they have from you. A toxic partner will use the information you’ve given them to manipulate you into doing what they want. They will use your past or your weaknesses against you, to make you feel guilt, shame or submission to gain control. They may use personal information to demean you in front of others, or use it to manipulate you into doing what they want. This is a clear sign of a toxic relationship that you should get out of.
7. My Partner Doesn’t Like My Family or Friends
Narcissists and Toxic People don’t like competition, and they don’t like it when people influence their survivors. They want to keep their partner exactly where they want them, with no outside perspectives. If your partner is constantly bashing your friends and family members, and trying to monopolize your time, this is a big indication of an unhealthy relationship.
8. Lack of Integrity in Relationships
When what they say doesn’t align with their actions, that is a red flag. Narcissists know how to say all the right things, but they do nothing to back up what they say. In fact, they usually contradict themselves, and confuse survivors. We know they know the right thing to do, but they choose to do the opposite. It’s all toxic behavior and mind games.
9. Lack of Trust in A Relationship
A general rule of thumb is, someone with a guilty conscious get’s defensive, and usually accuses the victim of the crime or behavior the narcissist is committing. So, if your partner is accusing you of cheating or demanding that they cannot trust you, chances are, they are doing what they’re accusing you of. And that lack of trust is an indicator of trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
10. My Partner Tries to Control Me
I’ve already mentioned a few ways that narcissists and toxic partners use to control you. By controlling your time and attention, and isolating you from family and friends. But there are also other ways that they use. For example, making comments about your body to limit or control your eating habits. By not-so-politely recommending you eat less or eat more in order to … fill in the blank. They also will comment, recommend or control the clothing you’re allowed to wear, especially around people of the gender or sex you’re interested in, even if that person isn’t someone you’re interested in. If your partner, in an unhealthy and unwanted way, is monitoring your eating habits, spending habits, spiritual habits, and free-will, they are toxic, and this is a toxic relationship.
11. Narcissistic Jealousy
The last red flag of a toxic relationship is someone who is perpetually pulling you down or holding you back from achieving your personal or professional goals. It’s healthy to have “the challenger” who pokes holes in your assumptions and makes you aware of the risks to protect you and help you gain clarity, but when this turns into perpetual negativity, it’s a toxic relationship. You want to be with someone who encourages and motivates you. Not someone who is jealous of your aspirations and keeps you feeling unaccomplished and unmotivated.
If any of these behaviors are things that you’re experiencing with your partner, please get help. All of these are toxic behaviors, that will keep you feeling stuck and isolated until you take control back and leave. I am here to help in any way I can. Feel free to reach out to me via my website: www.MarissaFayeCohen.com or by email at me@MarissaFayeCohen.com. I also have a Free Safety Planning Guide on my website at www.MarissaFayeCohen.com/Free-resources . Cutting out a toxic partner is difficult, but necessary. Narcissists push boundaries and things will just get worse. Reach out to me for support. I’m happy to help.
Hey! If you enjoyed this article, you have to check out www.MarissaFayeCohen.com/Private-Coaching. Marissa would love to develop a made-for-you healing plan to heal from emotional abuse. She does all the work, and you just show up. Stop feeling stuck, alone, and hurt, and live a free, confident, and peaceful life. Don’t forget to subscribe to the Healing From Emotional Abuse podcast, and follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/marissafcohen, and instagram @Marissa.Faye.Cohen. We’d love to see you there!